Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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