I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
