I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
