Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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