i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
