Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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