She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize