Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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