Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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