could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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