Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
