Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
