the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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