One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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