i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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