My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
