Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm passing your future prison.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
porn star boner night. come get it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
