the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
