omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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