thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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