Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
