I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
