yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
