Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
