im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize