My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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