This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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