I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
whose parrot is this?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize