So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
