i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
