After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
