Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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