dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
