I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
