i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we're making bets on your personal life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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