Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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