She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
