you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Randomize
