i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
