Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
