its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
