im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
