and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
