why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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