somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
