someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
