It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
