Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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