you win again, gameday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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