I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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