Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
