I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
