i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I believe in your delicious
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
