I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize