Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
