how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
