I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's the barista slut.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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