I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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