dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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