I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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