Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
