I smell stomach acid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
