i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize