Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
