ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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