i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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