yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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