how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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