So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
